I pictured being a stay at home mom would be the best and easiest job in the world.
We would have carefree days of playing non-stop.
My house would stay clean because I was home ALL day.
We would all be less stressed because I would be able to take care of everything that needed to be done at home instead of working.
We moved across the county about 2 years ago and that is when I became a stay at home mom to my son who was just about to have his first birthday.
Before we moved I worked full time as a developmental therapist. I longed to spend more time with my son so it seemed like fate!
I am grateful for the opportunity to be home with my son and now my daughter as well.
I don’t miss their milestones. I get to see all the firsts. I don’t have any worries that can come when trying to find childcare.
There are huge benefits and wonderful things that come with being a stay at home mom.
However, there has also been struggles that I did not expect.
It is very isolating. Yes, your with someone all day, but it is not the same as interacting with adults.
I missed the challenge of work. There are TONS of challenges you face when parenting all day don’t get me wrong.
It is a different kind of challenge though.
My days had no beginning or end. We have a lot of long nights around here and neither of my kids are good sleepers.
When I was a working mom and my child didn’t sleep I got that “break” from him by going to work.
Being a SAHM it was truly a 24/7 job with my kids.
All of this made me wonder. Was being a SAHM the right choice?
Was I better mom when I worked?
Was I a happy parent?
I didn’t feel like it at the time. I decided I needed to make some changes.
Here is my journey on how have started to embrace my life and make happy parenting happen (P.S. Don’t forget to join me for the FREE 5 day happy parenting challenge at the bottom of the post!)
What causes parents to be unhappy?
There are a few big differences I see when it comes to the generations of parents before me.
One of the biggest ones is social media.
If we scroll through our Facebook or Instagram we can quickly feel like we are unsatisfactory as parents.
It is easy to feel like we are not doing enough when we compare ourselves to others.
Our moms may have compared themselves to one another…but not to the extent that we do today.
The other big issue I see is that with all of the information out there on parenting… we try to “do it all.”
Then we feel guilty when we don’t meet the standards that we set for ourselves.
We think we have to plan tons of activities, take our kids to every experience, and feed them only healthy and nutritious foods.
This all sounds great….but man that is setting the bar high!
My mom didn’t have the internet when I was a baby…there was much less information out there to feel overwhelmed by.
Information can be a great tool…but it can also cause problems when we know too much.
Why Self Care is Important For Moms
If you don’t take care of yourself…then you can’t take care of anyone else. I suppose you could…but you won’t be doing as good of a job at it.
As a mom we often times put everyone else’s needs before our own. It seems like that is just what moms do.
We make sure to feed our kids…but can easily forget to eat ourselves.
Both of my children dress better than I do at this point.
We often times pick activities that we believe our children will enjoy instead of thinking about doing things that bring us joy.
If we keep moving in that pattern we start to feel rundown.
Self care is important for moms because it impacts how we interact with our children. If we are feeling rundown and tired…how can we parent?
Self Care Ideas for Moms
So what does self care look like?
It will look differently for everyone. It depends on what kind of care you are seeking and what you enjoy doing.
For example, many moms love to take a bath. Many find it relaxing and soothing.
Taking a bath just doesn’t do it for me.
Going for a run? Now that is more my style!
Self Care Ideas for Busy Moms
- Take a bath
- Take a shower
- Meditate
- Light a candle
- Get a massage
- Go for a run
- Do yoga
- Go for a bike ride
- Go hiking
- Take a walk
- Take a nap
- Read a book
- Call a friend
- Read a magazine
- Get your hair cut
- Get your nails done
- Have something special to drink like tea or coffee
- Color a picture
- Write a story
- Write in a journal
- Use essential oils
- Go out for a meal
How to Deal with Parenting Stress
Parenting can be stressful. How we respond to that stress is important.
The firs thing you need to do is pin point what is EXACTLY causing you stress?
Is it a never ending to do list?
Are your children fighting with each other?
Those are just a couple of examples that come to my mind. Once we target what is causing is stress then we can approach it appropriately and effectively
Using Exercise to Relieve Stress
This is my number one way to both prevent and get rid of stress.
I have even noticed that if I take the dog for a walk first thing in the morning…my day starts out much better!
My attitude and outlook are more positive from the start.
The biggest problem that people have with this strategy is finding the time to do it.
At Home Workouts for Moms
Having good options to workout at home and even with my baby and toddler present have been a lifesaver.
I have two programs that I would recommend. i used both of these to get back in shape after baby number 2.
Long before her first birthday I had all of my baby weight off which helped keep my energy levels up.
30 Day Challenge
This 30 day challenge (you can sign up here) was how I kicked off my journey to being a healthier mom.
This program includes a meal plan, at home workouts, and meditations to help you jump into a healthy lifestyle.
I still use the recipes, workouts, and meditations from this challenge even though I completed it long ago!
This challenge is not open all the time…so make sure to get on the waiting list so you can know when it is open!
PIIT 28 Program
This is my other FAVORITE program. I love the structure and the intensity from it.
I have been doing it for the past 3 months and could not believe how high my endurance has become.
Once again the workout requires NO EQUIPMENT and can be done in your home.
The workouts are a combination of Pilates and HIIT which are two very effective forms of exercise.
Often times my baby and toddler are present when I do it as well. You can check out her program HERE.
Parental Drinking: Moms Drinking Too Much Wine
EVERYWHERE I look it seems to tell me that wine is the best way to de-stress.
Having a rough day? Pour yourself a glass and relax!
Run this 5k…we will give you a free beer at the end!
Kids stressed out? Make a drink to take the edge off.
The problem is that alcohol really does not relax us. It actually causes us more stress.
Think about it for a second.
You have targeted what is stressing you out…so you decided to fix it by numbing your senses and drinking a glass of wine.
Guess what? The problem is still there after the glass of wine is gone.
Alcohol dehydrates you and makes you sleepy and cranky, yet in our society it is touted and the best way to end stress.
If you walk into department stores you can actually find shirts that send the message that wine is mommy’s best friend!
There was a time when believed that to be true.
If you are choosing wine or any alcohol as a form of “self care” it may be time to find something else.
This book was very helpful for me in letting me see the truth about what alcohol does and why it is not the answer.
There is absolutely no judgement from me if that is how you are choosing to cope.
However, I think it is important that everyone know the facts about alcohol before they choose this as their way to “relax”.
Finding Life Balance
The “stay at home moms” and “working moms” both can have a difficult time finding balance in their lives. I have done both so I know how you feel!
When I was a working mom I often felt like I was missing out on important time with my son.
I didn’t want to miss his first steps…or his first words.
Trying to breastfeed and pump milk while I was working was so difficult.
Keeping my supply up was as battle I fought everyday.
I honestly thought if I stayed home life would be perfect. Everyone would be happy and their would be less stress in my family’s life.
Then we moved across country for a job opportunity for my husband. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to be a stay at home mom.
This life transition hit me harder then I thought it would.
I started to miss my old friends, family, and work.
I didn’t find housework to be satisfying.
I felt very alone and was struggling to make friends as an adult.
Was I just suppose to walk up to people in the grocery store and see if they wanted to grab coffee?
Did that other mom at the park need a friend? She didn’t even say hi.
Whether you are a stay at home mom or a working mom…know that both roles can be difficult.
No matter what your role is…the important thing to do is to find some balance.
Working Mom Advice
If you are a working mom and are struggling with your hours see if you can create some flexible time in your schedule.
Can you drop in daycare once a week during lunch hour to spend time with your little one?
Can you take off early on Friday for some special time with your child?
I understand these may not be options but try to think outside of the box when it comes to solving any issues.
I think one of the biggest issues I faced when I was working was the guilt.
The only advice I can give is…try not to feel guilty. It is ok to work and there is not shame in it!
Your child will always love you no matter if you have to work or not.
Stay at Home Mom Advice
There are days that I feel like I was a better mom when I was working.
I would come home from work and be in the moment with my son. I would really cherish that time.
There are many days now where I waste too many minutes counting down to naps or bedtime instead of just being with them.
That is when the guilt comes in.
Many of you know I started this site because I missed working in early intervention and honestly it has been a life saver.
It restored balance in my life. I got to work again…but within my own hours…I get to connect with others…it has made me feel satisfied in a way I never expected it to.
If you are a stay at home mom and struggling with the feeling of losing your identity, find a way to get it back.
It could be volunteering, taking a course, working part time, or learning a new hobby.
Positive Parenting Mindset
Having a positive mindset comes when you are able to deal with unwanted stress properly and focus on what truly matters.
I remember my mom saying a quote to me that her mother told her.
“Don’t sweat the small stuff…it is all small stuff.”
It is easier said then done.
One of the things I ask myself when I am feeling stressed out is “Will this matter and will I remember it in 10 years?”
If the answer is no…then it probably isn’t as big of a deal as I am making it.
Positive Parenting Strategies
We have all been there. We get sucked into being a “Negative Nancy” when it comes to parenting.
First it starts with one thing…and before you it…it snowballs into a big old pile of negativity.
Benefits of Positive Parenting
On of the best benefits of positive parenting is we know that it is EFFECTIVE!
Research tells us that using positive reinforcement to shape behaviors is a great way to get your child to do what they need to do.
When you praise good behavior it makes your child do more of that behavior. When we take time to teach our children to do things instead of just telling them what not do they learn new skills and appropriate behavior.
Using punishment may work for you short term…but in the long run in doesn’t have the lasting effects that using positive reinforcement has.
Using a positive parenting mindset can impact generations.
One study showed that not only were their positive effects on the children that were being parented in a positive way, but it also impacted the way those children parented their own children when they become adults (read the full article here)!
You can read more about the benefits of using a positive approach HERE.
Positive Parenting tips for Toddlers
Now that we know how beneficial positive parenting is…you may be wondering how that translates to toddler parenting.
I will give you a few different strategies to put in your parenting tool box to try out. Let’s start out with my favorite!
Use Choices with Your Toddler
Using choices with your little one is a powerful technique. It empowers your child by making them feel like they have some control over their world and it gives them the ability to make decisions.
This makes them more likely to go along with whatever task needs to be completed.
Here is an example.
Let’s say your child HATES getting dressed. If you present it in choices rather then just telling them to do it, it should go more smoothly.
Instead of saying “Go get dressed,” ask them if they would like to “put on your red shirt or blue shirt?”
This makes them less likely to buck the task as you have taken the order away. Instead you are letting them decide what they want to wear.
Then you move on to “do you want your back pants or gray pants?”
This is just one example of how this could go but you can really apply the using choices technique to almost any situation.
Using Positive Praise with Toddlers
This technique is also something you can do throughout the day with your toddler. It is really easy to implement as well.
All you have to do is praise your child when they are doing positive behaviors.
Instead of just always saying “good job” try to mix it up a bit. Let them know specifically what they are doing right.
Here are a few examples of phrases you could use:
- Thank you for listening and following directions.
- Your hard work has payed off!
- Wow…You were so gentle when petting the dog.
- Your teeth look so clean after you brushed them.
- By using your walking feet you are staying safe.
- You are doing a great job at keeping your feet on the ground.
Benefits of Praising a Child
One of the benefits of praising your child is it makes both you and your child feel good immediately.
I really don’t like how I feel after I am negative with my child. It doesn’t feel great.
When I am able to point out things that he does right it makes me feel proud and like I have taught him something.
Another benefit is you are more likely to see the praised behavior increase as children LOVE getting attention.
Being Social Can Help You Stay Positive
Whether you are a stay at home mom or a working mom having a social life can be a struggle once you have children.
When I was working I did feel socially satisfied because I had a close knit office of woman that I worked with.
We got along well and would chat over lunch breaks. We threw dinners and social events occasionally as well.
Not everyone’s job is like that though.
Then I moved to a new city across the country and became a stay at home mom.
These two things together made me a bit miserable.
I missed the work that I had done and the social interaction I received from my coworkers and clients.
Find Mom Friends in Your Area
Luckily, the city that I live in now has a ROCKING MOMS club.
If you have never heard about MOMS club you can read about it HERE.
It is exactly what it sounds like and it was a life saver when I became a stay at home mom.
I was able to meet lots of moms that I could talk with.
Most of us were in the same stages in our lives so we were able to connect over our current experiences and help one another out.
If you are looking for a way to fill your social cup…think about your interests.
See what is available in your area as far as clubs and groups go and see if there would be one that is a good fit.
Online groups can be good support as well…but having real conversations meets needs in a different way.
Be a Happy Mom
I hope this article gave you some ideas and strategies to use that will make you feel more satisfied in your role as a parent. Makes sure to sign up for the free 5 day happy parenting challenge to gain some more strategies on becoming a positive parent!
CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE HAPPY PARENTING CHALLENGE
Related Posts You Will Enjoy
How to Manage a Toddler and a Newborn
5 Ways to Promote Positive Behaviors in Toddlers
How to Survive the Two Year Old Sleep Regression
Reading Tips for Parents of Toddlers
Kayla O’Neill has a master’s degree in education as well as a bachelor’s degree in special education with an emphasis in early childhood education. She has been working as a developmental therapist with babies and toddlers in early intervention since 2012. She is also a mom with two young children.